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My Love Do(n’t) Cost Things

My Love Do(n’t) Cost Things

I liked it a lot. Now lets cut to the chase. I’ll save the funny clever banter, the dialogue and the email exchanges. We Skyped chatted first. I had never done that and neither had UD before meeting someone from online. I have to be honest, by his pictures he really didn’t seem my type. He seemed a bit of someone with no edge and older then he said he was. When we Skyped, it could have been further from my perception. He was devilishly handsome and made me laugh. I bet I blushed on more then one occasion. We joked about how many fingers I was holding up after two hours of video time and before we both could agree that I was indeed holding up two fingers he signed off. No bye and no plans. Just a little skype line reading, “Nice chatting with you” So it goes.

I think it was me that decided to ask him if we were going to go out.datebook safety uberhorny He picked place downtown where I had never been and I gladly accepted. I was excited. I felt a slight tinge of the butterflies. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not but I took longer then I usually do getting ready. Looking forward to a possibility but being apprehensive by nature. I’m prone to being disappointed. He came out to help me find the place ( I always get lost downtown) and he stumbled off the step out of the bar.  He seemed genuinely a bit embarrassed by this which I found endearing on both accounts. We had a lovely dinner and he complemented my dress and style. I guess I made the right choice wearing a little black dress and red heels with my black and white coat draped over my shoulders. I admitted to him that I had a dating blog called (which will be in desperate need of an update). I gave him an open to tell me about this site however a word.

He told me that there is no way I could even find anything on him if I Googled him. I felt comfortable and after dinner we had a glass of wine across the street. As the even came to a close, we shared a simple, but nice kiss. He asked to watch me walk away to my car complimenting me on my legs. Feeling good about the evening. I knew I wanted to see him again. I would have gone out with him if we met in “real life” I decided to wait till I met him till I Googled him and I did 24 hours later. I found out he had this site. I gave him an open that he didn’t take. He wasn’t lying and this wasn’t a deal breaker but I told him I found it. I stopped reading because I felt I was being intrusive. I asked him and he said he was sorry and he should have told me. Well, from the look of this site there is no way he wants a girlfriend. I am not sure what I want, but I don’t want to be just another OKC date stuck in the foreground of many other lovely ladies who have went on date with UD and it just didn’t work out. (maybe I do want something real?) We texted a few times after that but it got weird. He didn’t call or text and always seemed to have company. We had made plans for the flowing Saturday but he never called again or since.

I have since deactivated my OKC account. I don’t trust dating online. Too many “something betters” I guess I could say that about any two people meeting out in the world. To quote The Pretenders: “Once in awhile. Two people meet Seemingly for no reason They just pass on the street Suddenly thunder, showers everywhere Who can explain the thunder and rain But there’s something in the air” Maybe the universe doesn’t want us to force fate. Maybe things should just happen without seeking them out in the digital sea of nameless faces. I guess I’ll keep my options open in the real world. So it goes.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating There comes point in every person’s life when they have bad sex.  Maybe it was awkward, or you have a different style than the other person.  Maybe they simply didn’t know what they were doing, or you were unable to communicate exactly what you wanted from them. But what happens when you have tried patiently to explain what you like and what you don’t and the person simply doesn’t pay attention? This situation becomes even worse whenever other person claims that the sex is the best they have ever had. Is this something that is conquered in a relationship?  If one person is unhappy with the sex, is it something that can be simply overlooked after time?  Will feelings for the other person overcome the lack of physical desire?

  Or will it turn in to bitter resentment that one person is satisfied and the other isn’t?

A Couple’s Guide to Amicable Divorce

In our society, if a female is not physically satisfied and that is a primary cause of the relationship’s demise, she is chastised for being superficial and not caring about the “deeper” connection that is not associated with sex.  We are trained to think that there is more to a relationship, and indeed there is.  If a relationship is only about sex, it will not last. But the problem comes when the “more” is definitely not enough. The prospect of living life with unsatisfying sex is, well… unbearable in my mind.  Maybe I am alone in my thinking, but I would prefer to live the single life forever rather than have unsatisfying sex for the rest of my life. I’m not becoming a proponent of dumping a guy because the first time you have sex it isn’t the mind-blowing hookup you want.  I’m simply saying that, after time and attempts to remedy the situation, you have to make a decision about what you are willing to live with.  If this is a person you cannot live without, you’ll be spending quite a lot of time alone in the bathtub.  Or, you may just have to chalk another one up to Irreconcilable Differences… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, Relationships, Sex Via – So you’re in the middle of what seems to be a beautiful and fruitful relationship and can’t help smiling to yourself about how lucky you are to get the man of your dreams.

One fine day, you find all those dreams completely shattered when you start seeing things in your man, which make you wonder if he’s the kind who is still holding on to mama’s apron strings. Here are ways which can help you figure out if the man you’re dating is a mama’s boy or not: More Than Usual Regular Phone Calls If you’re dating a guy who just can’t help keep himself from calling and telling the slightest possible thing to his mother, you don’t even have to think twice about reconsidering. You’ll notice him calling her on and off, seeking her advice and tips to handle a particular situation and jumps with excitement whenever he has a new gossip for mama dearest to listen so that both of them can share a laugh together. Add to that, you are kept in the dark all the while when you suddenly realize to your horror that both mother and son have been gossiping about you. Compares You with the Mother This is one of the most disgusting things that any man can do to his lady love. Comparing in the first place is the last thing that a person must do, because each individual is unique and exceptional in their own way. Everything that you do has is compared to that of his mother, right from the pancake recipe to the way you respond to him when he calls or something as simple and silly as how the mom folds clothes and how you do it. In some cases, this situation gets worse when he starts comparing you with his mom in public, with an intention to let other people around him know the same. This is not only humiliating but also disgusting and sickening to accept. More Weight Age to Mom’s Opinion Such sort of men must never say yes to any relationship and must live their entire life on that big cozy sofa that is placed next to mama’s favorite rocking chair. This only reflects his lack of responsibility and extreme dependence on an ageing mother, in place of him being on the other side.  His mother is always given more weight-age than you even when it comes to making small decisions such as what outfit to wear for a particular function. If the above reasons are found in your boyfriend whom you’re currently dating, it’s time you gather your belongings and run to the hills to seek shelter before it’s too late and before you’re caught neck deep in a relationship. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dates & Details, Dating & Relationships, For Women Tagged in: dating a man, dating is a mama’s boy, mama’s boy, tips for her Tinder is an elegantly beautiful and simple dating app. Its wonderful convenience and easy to understand concept is what makes tinder so great! Swipe left if you don’t want to date the person on your screen and swipe right if you do. The convenience is beautiful but does it really work all that well in the grand scheme of things? I myself and many others have been victims to the infamous and horrific tinder date. You know, that cringe worthy and awkward date that has you asking yourself “How long do I need to be here before it’s no longer considered rude to leave?” If you have been on a couple of tinder dates, you probably know what I am talking about. It’s the tinder dates you wish you could erase from your memory. It’s the date with the person who desperately wants to get over their ex or the date who’s absolutely nothing in common with you but still wants to see you again or worse it’s the date with that weird person with the crazy eyes who looks like they will snap if the waiter brings them the wrong drink.

Why Nice People Suck

After several of these, you look for someone or something to blame. You find yourself saying things like “People on tinder are all weird” or “Tinder is a terrible app”. You point the blame on the app or the people using the app, it is a natural step towards your ultimate realization, the inevitable conclusion that it’s all your own doing. There is a lovely sense of calm and clarity that you acquire when you realize what is actually happening. The truth is, you expected too much. Sure there are a lot of people on tinder or any online dating service what will find love. I am not going to say that people don’t find love on these sites or apps because that is not true but the actual chances are not stacked up in your favor, this is regardless of whether you are a guy or a girl. Only 33% of online daters form a relationship, 33% do not and 33% give up. Once you have let those percentages sink in, You will probably wonder to yourself “what about the 1% left over?” Well the 1% are more than likely chat bots or scammers because on free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers. The most interesting fact I found was that Women are most afraid of meeting serial killers whilst men are most afraid of meeting someone fat. All in all it’s no surprise there are over 50 million people single in the US, and yet the online dating industry is generating a whopping 1.8 billion dollars a year and it is steadily growing, it surprises me that only 33% of people who actual try online dating or dating apps actually find a partner.

I myself have quit online dating and dating apps all together, I have been down that online road and I decided to take my love life offline.  I ventured out and tried to meet people the old fashion way. It wasn’t long until I found out about speed dating and went to an event called Speed dating Sydney. Speed dating was invented in 1999 and has since grown popular around the world, and could be called the analog tinder. The way speed dating works is, you can get a room high in single guys and girls, you let them have a short 5 minute date with one another. After each short date, they write down on a card whether they liked or didn’t like that date. You then hand in that card at the end of the night and then are emailed the details of people who mutually matched with you. I fell in love with this concept so much I began running my own events but that’s a whole other story. With speed dating you can get so much more than just a photo or a quick text chat, you get to meet that person face to face, you hear their voice, you see how they move and you get an impression of them that isn’t doctored like an online profile or a photo-shopped picture. Naturally this means that when you go on a proper date with that person, you are more likely to have a good date and get along with that person. There are no nasty surprises or uncertainties. You know what to expect from the beginning because you have already met them. Ultimately there are pros and cons to both online and offline dating, but there are not a lot of choices when it comes to offline dating asides from picking someone up at a sleazy bar or meeting someone through your incestuous friend circles. Here are some facts though, 95% of men and 80% of women report a positive experience at speed dating event, not to mention that 70% of men and 90% of women will get matches on one event. So if you’re struggling to have a good date or get into a relationship perhaps it’s time to take you’re dating offline.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating I’m not an expert at dating, but I play one on the internet. When I say dating, I don’t mean the other person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. You’ve been out with this person a couple of times and enjoy their company, and maybe one day they’ll be your significant other. In this article, the names in this guide have been changed to protect the almost Prince Charmings, the ghosters, and the not-so-innocent. Dating can be a tricky thing, especially once you’re out of college and in the real world. People is too busy with work to date while others don’t get out much or frequent places where they would meet someone. Some are just too shy or scared to make that first move in person.

Enter online dating. Online dating has been around since 1965 when Harvard students created the world’s first computer dating service, Operation Match. In 2013, it was estimated that there are over 2,500 online dating services with 1,000 new ones opening each year. They cater to anything: religion, ethnicity, hobbies, sexual orientation, age groups. Whatever your preferences can be, there’s probably a dating site for you. Around forty million Americans use a online dating service. I am one particular forty million. I joined the ranks after my ex-boyfriend, Adam, broke up with me. We lived in two different states, and it just wasn’t going to work out. My job keeps me busy, and when I go out, I usually prefer the company of my friends to meet someone new.

So here I am. I’ve been on this journey for several months and here’s what I’ve learned: You learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a significant other. We all have a checklist of things we want in a mate, from education to religion to shared interests. The more dates you go on and the more time that passes, the more that checklist changes. It gets shorter, more refined; items get rearranged. Things that were once deal breakers are now negotiable, and things that were once negotiable are now deal breakers. These vary from person to person. My checklist has had many revisions over the months. It once contained numerous deal breakers, but now only has two though a couple of the negotiables need some heavy negotiating. The good and decent men that I met helped shape this checklist and taught me about myself. Ray showed me that it’s important to have a steady job and not live with your parents. Timothy taught me that I need some personal space in the first weeks of dating (and hopefully he learned that being a stage five clinger isn’t always the greatest route to go when starting to date someone). Ben showed me that chemistry is incredibly important and without it, nothing happens. Finally, Travis showed me the importance of communication. Communication is essential – in life, in just about any relationship, in dating. It starts in the profile with communicating what you’re looking for in a match and being honest about yourself.

From there, it progresses to the messages – through the site, text, other social media – and finally to that first meeting. It’s important to be open about what you want and how interested you are in the other person if you’re interested at all. We all struggle with communication, and it’s something on which I’m always working. When two people are on the same page, things are really a lot easier. This brings me to the topic of ghosting. Ghosting is when you or the other person stops all forms of communication without a reason. It can happen before or after the first meeting or after you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. The reason is never known, but from what I gather, there are two main ones: lost interest or another person. If you’ve been ghosted, it’s not the end of the world.

Yes, it doesn’t feel good to know that someone has no desire to communicate with you anymore, but in this technological world, it’s quick and easy for anyone to end things – you just stop responding to texts and phone calls and messages. No consequences. No confrontation. However, we’re adults and should you lose interest in someone; it’s common courtesy to let them know. Just hope that the clinger doesn’t post passive aggressive pictures on Facebook about how relationships should work. Move on with your life. Finally, it is highly unlikely that you will meet your Prince Charming within the first three months. Yes, there are those fairy tale love stories, but you’re not one of them.

He’s Just Not That Into You taught us that we are usually the rule, not the exception. That’s not to say that you’ll never meet The One and have your happily ever after. I’m a dreamer, and optimist that is huge I was raised on Disney and fairy tales, but I have learned not to expect my Prince Charming to manifest in every guy I meet. I know he’ll come along eventually; he’s probably lost somewhere and won’t ask for directions. The odds of meeting your future spouse online are pretty good, though. About one-third of married couples met online, and that number is expected to grow over the years. That being said, don’t automatically assume that you have a future with every great guy you see online. It’s best not to imagine how you’ll celebrate six months or six years together. While you can remain optimistic and hopeful that things will work out, it is important to stay realistic;  you’ll end up hurt. Derek and Matthew taught me that.

These lessons are not meant to deter anyone from online dating. It can be fun and exciting to meet up new people, and, as I said before, it’s been a great learning experience. All of this makes for fun stories around the dinner table! For now, I’m just waiting for my Prince Charming to finally ask for directions and find his way to me. Sources: Photo credit: Tammy McGary Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook23Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: Dating, Online Dating There’s something about a party girl who turns men into putty.

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